First written December 2023
Can you mourn something that never was?
Something that never will be?
Something you dreamed,
that you hoped.
Something you imagined,
but maybe felt in your bones.
That deep part of yourself that longs for more,
aches, in ways you never knew you could.
That part of yourself that was afraid to feel,
afraid to admit your desperate hope.
Trembled at the thought of holding out your heart,
raw and vulnerable.
But you held it out anyway.
Can you mourn that hope,
even if it was never anything more than a dream?
Was it naive to entertain such a fantasy?
Was it all in my mind?
Not who they might be or what might become,
but simply them.
But rather the hope of something beautiful,
wondrous and more brilliant than anything before.
A shared experience.
A journey of two.
Rather than a path walked alone.
Then yes, I think you can mourn.
Because in some ways it was more real.
Those thoughts, the dreams, the feelings,
held in the deepest parts of the night.
The flutter of a heartbeat,
taking flight at the simplest thought.
Those were real.
Even if they never will be.
Because you put yourself into those hopes,
those dreams, desperate and longing.
Your heart made them real,
and when you look at them,
Through eyes misted with tears,
or with longing beyond hope still in your heart,
You deserve to mourn.
The Writer in White 